On the few months coming up to my 30th birthday, I have gone through a phase where I believed that life SHOULD be better at 30. However, things weren't going as planned - 5 years of trying for a baby with no luck despite normal blood tests; and following a healthy diet plan and being a gym enthusiast but still getting ill too often than I think I deserve. Despite these failures, I followed through with my plans of moving to a different town to be with my partner, and finding a new job successfully in the same area. I was well pleased and even thought I was coping well despite the massive changes going on in my life. All I wanted was a family. And I thought if I persevere to battle through with these struggles, I will get it one day. As a nurse, I knew my struggle wasn't the worse there was out there.
However, there was that day where I woke up early morning, clutching my (now cold) hot water bottle, and reality sunk in that I was STILL not pregnant, STILL suffering with excruciating pain, and STILL pretending to be OK about all of it. Behind closed doors, my relationship with everyone was failing because of my mood swings, my infertility has made me grudgingly miserable, and the monthly absences made my sickness record quite horrendous.
I was ready to give up. I didn't think anyone would miss me. However, I was very lucky to have a supportive partner who never gave up on me and friends who pushed me to seek help. After months of denial, I finally went to my GP to find out why my sense of well-being has significantly deteriorated in a short span of time. We discussed my medical history and in the end, it all came down to one debilitating cause - fertility issues. Not only was this causing me physical pain, it was likewise affecting me mentally and emotionally. My GP referred me to a gynaecologist to investigate the infertility issue, and started me on counselling and medical interventions for depression and anxiety.
Endometriosis is not a new diagnosis for me. When my periods started as a teenager, I used to miss school days and fainted a few times in the toilet. No one really said anything about this being unusual, so I carried on like this until I was diagnosed with the disease in 2009, when I finally saw a doctor for scans. I was old enough to be inquisitive and have the initiative to find a solution to my problem. The doctor started me on contraceptive pills and there was a long period before we found the right one for me. Back then, I did not bother looking into the disease as I thought a diagnosis is all I need and that stopping the period meant an end to the pain.
However, I had to stop the pills in 2010 to TTC (try To Conceive). With no success and with the pain becoming worse than ever, I had a diagnostic hysteroscopy with a general gynaecologist in 2011 to remove a cyst on my left ovary. I was told he lasered off a few endometrial tissues inside but would possibly have them again in the future. I didn't know what the difference between lasering and excision was back then. I didn't even know the existence of BSGE centres (British Society of Gynaecological Endoscopy). Unfortunately, the scans and exams I had after the referral this year showed that 5 years later, endometriosis was back. And it was back with vengeance in the form of Severe Rectovaginal Endometrisosis (Stage 4).
I received my appointment with a BSGE accredited surgeon but had to see him exactly on my 30th birthday. On this day, I sat in his office and discussed several endometriosis treatment options. It was difficult to absorb the devastating news that having a stoma might be a possibility if I needed a bowel resection. On the same day, I had to see the endometriosis nurse to discuss the need of having a few Zoladex injections before my combined surgery. I was told this drug will help the surgeons view my insides clearer and settle the symptoms.
Fast forward 4 months later (November 2016), I was in the hospital undergoing surgical treatment. Waking up in the recovery room without the bag was the best part of it all. I was told that my insides were all messed up and stuck together with adhesions, and that this was all fixed up. The surgery took less than 4 hours and I am to be seen again for review in February 2017. I couldn't be more joyful to know that I was not imagining the pain I was in. It was a relief knowing that my denial and suffering through it all has finally ended. This was the start of my healing. Taking away a quote one of my patients told me as he was recovering in the post-anaesthetic room after waiting 18 months for his major surgery, "Today is the first day on the road to recovery!
"It's tough being a woman, especially if nature instinctively tells our body to be productive. Our hormones can serve to heal us or damage us. With current researches speculating endometriosis being classified as an autoimmune disorder, there is more need for people to be aware of its existence. It was amazing how little I knew (considering I work in the medical field) and how much I have learned (not necessarily form medically qualified people, but from online support groups), ever since I started my journey.
Having endometriosis taught me how there is a vast knowledge available out there if you know the right people to ask. And as isolating and guilt-tripping this disease is, the main focus you should be thinking of is your health and well-being. I am writing this article, not for my benefit or the benefit of the websites I have included in the links, but mainly to raise awareness of this disease. There are so many physiological and psychological burdens attached to endometriosis, not to mention the stigma and awkwardness surrounding discussions about menstruation, fertility, depression and anxiety. I long for the day that people will understand the suffering you are going through when you disclose having been diagnosed with Endometriosis.
Endometriosis is a distressing and debilitating disease. It is not just "normal" period cramps. It cannot be fixed with just pain killers and a hot water bottle. One cannot just function normally in daily activities and work, knowing the pain attacks you when you least expect it, and much more when you actually expect it at that time of the month.
However, there was that day where I woke up early morning, clutching my (now cold) hot water bottle, and reality sunk in that I was STILL not pregnant, STILL suffering with excruciating pain, and STILL pretending to be OK about all of it. Behind closed doors, my relationship with everyone was failing because of my mood swings, my infertility has made me grudgingly miserable, and the monthly absences made my sickness record quite horrendous.
I was ready to give up. I didn't think anyone would miss me. However, I was very lucky to have a supportive partner who never gave up on me and friends who pushed me to seek help. After months of denial, I finally went to my GP to find out why my sense of well-being has significantly deteriorated in a short span of time. We discussed my medical history and in the end, it all came down to one debilitating cause - fertility issues. Not only was this causing me physical pain, it was likewise affecting me mentally and emotionally. My GP referred me to a gynaecologist to investigate the infertility issue, and started me on counselling and medical interventions for depression and anxiety.
Endometriosis is not a new diagnosis for me. When my periods started as a teenager, I used to miss school days and fainted a few times in the toilet. No one really said anything about this being unusual, so I carried on like this until I was diagnosed with the disease in 2009, when I finally saw a doctor for scans. I was old enough to be inquisitive and have the initiative to find a solution to my problem. The doctor started me on contraceptive pills and there was a long period before we found the right one for me. Back then, I did not bother looking into the disease as I thought a diagnosis is all I need and that stopping the period meant an end to the pain.
However, I had to stop the pills in 2010 to TTC (try To Conceive). With no success and with the pain becoming worse than ever, I had a diagnostic hysteroscopy with a general gynaecologist in 2011 to remove a cyst on my left ovary. I was told he lasered off a few endometrial tissues inside but would possibly have them again in the future. I didn't know what the difference between lasering and excision was back then. I didn't even know the existence of BSGE centres (British Society of Gynaecological Endoscopy). Unfortunately, the scans and exams I had after the referral this year showed that 5 years later, endometriosis was back. And it was back with vengeance in the form of Severe Rectovaginal Endometrisosis (Stage 4).
I received my appointment with a BSGE accredited surgeon but had to see him exactly on my 30th birthday. On this day, I sat in his office and discussed several endometriosis treatment options. It was difficult to absorb the devastating news that having a stoma might be a possibility if I needed a bowel resection. On the same day, I had to see the endometriosis nurse to discuss the need of having a few Zoladex injections before my combined surgery. I was told this drug will help the surgeons view my insides clearer and settle the symptoms.
Fast forward 4 months later (November 2016), I was in the hospital undergoing surgical treatment. Waking up in the recovery room without the bag was the best part of it all. I was told that my insides were all messed up and stuck together with adhesions, and that this was all fixed up. The surgery took less than 4 hours and I am to be seen again for review in February 2017. I couldn't be more joyful to know that I was not imagining the pain I was in. It was a relief knowing that my denial and suffering through it all has finally ended. This was the start of my healing. Taking away a quote one of my patients told me as he was recovering in the post-anaesthetic room after waiting 18 months for his major surgery, "Today is the first day on the road to recovery!
"It's tough being a woman, especially if nature instinctively tells our body to be productive. Our hormones can serve to heal us or damage us. With current researches speculating endometriosis being classified as an autoimmune disorder, there is more need for people to be aware of its existence. It was amazing how little I knew (considering I work in the medical field) and how much I have learned (not necessarily form medically qualified people, but from online support groups), ever since I started my journey.
Having endometriosis taught me how there is a vast knowledge available out there if you know the right people to ask. And as isolating and guilt-tripping this disease is, the main focus you should be thinking of is your health and well-being. I am writing this article, not for my benefit or the benefit of the websites I have included in the links, but mainly to raise awareness of this disease. There are so many physiological and psychological burdens attached to endometriosis, not to mention the stigma and awkwardness surrounding discussions about menstruation, fertility, depression and anxiety. I long for the day that people will understand the suffering you are going through when you disclose having been diagnosed with Endometriosis.
Endometriosis is a distressing and debilitating disease. It is not just "normal" period cramps. It cannot be fixed with just pain killers and a hot water bottle. One cannot just function normally in daily activities and work, knowing the pain attacks you when you least expect it, and much more when you actually expect it at that time of the month.